so much for that

wtf is wrong with me. i used to be down (perhaps i should say depressed?) in a useful self-loathing kind of a way. by that i mean; i thought i was revolting which meant i starved all the time. Now i feel super down (i still think it must be the coke, fuck, get over it already brain chemistry!) but i just eat and don't do any work... the exact opposite of what i need to be doing. Crap. still 66. higher power must still be digging my vibes

today:
breakfast: 1/4 cup muesli with fat free milk
lunch: one whole tomato
pasta (a lot!) with cheese sauce, tomato and more cheese... omg huge serving... *purge* (of course)
chocolate ice cream (yeah, wtf, why bother purging : ( )
supper: wasn't intending to eat but my brother's ex came to visit (they have a kid together so she's part of the family) and brought tiramisu (fat-extravaganza)... which i ate... and some biscuits
have been at my pc working all evening... eating almonds, tuna (some with mayo, whhhyyyyyyy)

Yip. horrendous fuck up. if not for the purging i might almost think i am a normal fat person. how dull. i must be strong tomorrow. just gonna take it as it comes and try and stick to cigarrettes and water where possible
*sigh*