66
yes - too much blogging today (distraction-distracting-discoteque while i wrote my assignment)
and yes - still 66 - but i'm just elated to be baaaacccckk ('cos i didn't eat tonight, sans two cups of coffee... like i said, work .: = needs for the 'caf) was looking in the mirror, trying on a dress top, planning for my night tomo *going to take some coke, fucking A+* and just thinking; i can wear whatever the fuck i want 'cos i look so much better than i ever have before! my collar bones, aaah, my collar bones, touching them keeps me sane, keeps me grounded, reminds me why i'm doing this (other than him, other than her, other than all the unrequited loves, most of all my unrequited love for myself :)) but don't worry, i haven't lost sight; I still want-need-crave 55. that's 10 more kilograms away. 22 pounds *shit that sounds high!* but not so long ago, can u fucking handle*?* (what a whale of human being) I was probs around 80kgs, i'm sure at my highest i must have been, becaue the last time i got weighed, before *this* started (or i started this, because lets apply a little agency where it's due) I was 75, and that was on a 'good' day week month year whatever. wow. but, yip, still huge fat disgust revolt failfailfail, still not perfect, not even close, to being right, my dad said 60 would be okay, would it? would it? i don't know. i'd be happy. but i wouldn't be satisfied. iwon't be satisfied 'til i'm smoking fucking hot. shallow. moderately deranged. self-absorbed. sure. why not? 'cos i'm a little monster and i can do WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT! *so fuck you world*
No comments:
Post a Comment