ouweeee

eh, it's 10:05 pm and my stomach just reminded me i haven't fed it; a nice twisting, nauseating pain. yummy. anyway. i actually want to apologise for that last insane rant. because it was insane, truly, and ranty as fuck. hopefully i can keep it together the rest of the time. feeling so inspired to start cutting back (cutting out) the food. since i'm going to try and be *sigh* brutally honest from now on (i really have to start blogging - at least recording what i eat here - everyday) even though no one sees it i know it will keep me in check *i really really really hope/pray/believe*

So, to business (and yes *speaking to myself now* you will admit all your fuck ups right here everyday)

• Today's breakfast was: 1/8th of a cup muesli with 2% milk (i would love to use no fat but i'm the only one who drinks it, and i use so little at a time, it just goes off so my dad doesn't really like buying it :( )
• at around 10:30 am: one rice cake with marmite (worst taste in the world combined with smoking, just have to say)
• then came home from school (when i say school i mean university... it's all the same thing really :) ) at around 3:30pm... chucked my one left over ricecake in the bin (i do actually hate wasting food *purging excluded* but it just tasted so damn yuck)
• then... hahaha... i proceeded to gorge myself on 2 ricecakes with pate (probably really high cal :( ) and then tucked into, minuscule piece by minuscule piece *as we do of course* of digusting, cheap, butter icing, bad quality chocalate cake which was *lurking* in the fridge... naturally i did the decent thing and, while talking to my mom; "I'm so sorry i have to go pee" *charming*. and purged. obviously. since i'm feeling totally nuts today (have you read the post below this? crazy ass bitch? who goes after someone whose girlfriend just died? i'm one self-absorbed prick. anyway. *gah!*) purgepurgepurge'd most of it out i hope
• and now here we are: i haven't had anything except cigarettes and water for the rest of the day

I better stay good. Or else :(   .... :)