wtf blogger?

my last two posts have disappeared. man that is not cool. *grumpy*

breakfast: soft-boiled egg & a cup of coffee
lunch: gaint matzah, half with 2 tbsps of avocado, other half with like 1/4 cup tuna + 2 sundried tomatoes
snack: 5 almonds
supper: smoothie thing with a whole banana, an orange, and half a cup yoghurt, 1/4 cup milk
+ 2 cups roast vegetables
+ errrrrrrhhhhh 25, yes 25, almonds

i'm happy that it was all healthy stuff, but still, too many calories!!!
... & man i am pissed about loosing those posts! it doesn't make sense!

i got the golden ticket ;)

ecstaticness! goldencircleColdplay *gasp* *hyperventilation* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have wanted to see them live since........ aaaaahhhh. happy.

i ate today:
brkfst: apple
lunch: 1/2 cup butternut soup, 1/2 cup lentil soup (surprisingly good!)
snack *egh* i should not be snacking! hate loosing control! : 3 sundried tomatos & an orange... not together exactly, that would taste phunky
supper: a lot of roast vegetables... like 3cups? 4 cups?
bvrges: 2 cups coffee

probably rather high in calories: errrrrrr 1500? *oohohohohoh* horrible
but still: no purging, and i ate veg and fruit the whole day. *happiness of nutritive calories*
but all that potato is making me feel carby aka sleepy... and yet again i have got no studying done *sigh*

oh well; in honour of C'play i thought i'd put up some pics of Mrs Chris Martin

hmmm, even though i would definately say that
she is - objectively - beautiful
there's just something about her
???
she's just so not sexy
and a little scary
but thin so therefore relevant
(that's my exscuse and i'm sticking to it)

skinny, with an ass.
?
how do i manage to be fat
with no ass?
probs she works out
seems boring

Ah, lovely, looks like she took a nap under a summery tree
that dropped all its blooms on her
... and painted her toes.
how would a tree do such a thing?
what with having no hands?

one whole purge-free day

One whole day; purge free. It's such an accomplishment I even got down and dirty and cleaned the toilet. Now it's porcelein white, much like my conscience, if not like my teeth. *that's just charming*

The in-flight food on board restriction airways:
brkfst: shiny green apple (90)
lnch: two rice cakes, with garlic (gah, burny, who knew!), cucumber, tomato, salt, pepper (160)
sppr: salad with iceberg lettuce, a whole tomato, soft boiled egg, spring onion, sesame seeds & pepper (160)
dsrt: orange (70)
bvrgs: two cups lemon tea, one cup coffee (no sugar, fat free milk) (60)

= 540.

gawd. not much makes many calories... but otherwise; there was no purging .: victory. i can't actually believe it. madness i tell you.

Miley 'smiley miley' Cyrus and her new boyf Avan Jogia.
well... that's what google tells me ;)
exibit (a) look at those skinny legs. mmm. envious.
exibit (b) he is damn fine. and look how is just standing there
glaring at the pap's. haha lol

shoowhee

beautiful... and so lovely without all that drag queen make-up they
whoever 'they' is
always steep her in

very all-american
reminds me of a Ralph Lauren campaign

vampy. hawt.

............... and. omgomgohmygaaaaaaaawwwwdddd *drawl* i may (please!!!!) be going to Coldpay COLDfrikkinPLAY in october. golden circle *holds thumbs knocks on wood hails deities* pleeeeaaaaaassseeeee universe. i .love. them.

peace. out.

hands where made for hitting

i purged three times today. miss m for the win. nawt.
so why bother recounting what i ate. because obv it was a disaster.
i fucking hate it. i have to stop throwing up. i'm going to fuck my teeth.
i'm going to fuck my body up.
*whatever* *hair flip*
i need to be eating minimal amounts of nutritive calories.
at specific times.
from my safe foods.
i know this.
i have always known this.
what the fuck is my problem.
is it my imagination or did Nike have this slogan; 'just do it'
that's it: just do it. no exscuses. just do it.

Freja Beha. Ah, that chiselled jaw.
Those twiglike legs.
Total androgenous dreamboat.

Wow. So small.
This reminds me of lying on the floor of the Louvre.
Ah, to be 16 and hopelessly in love again.
Fuck ;)
*now shut-up and stop eating*

i am afraid. so very afraid.

Now is not the time to put my self-worth through the shredder. But exams *exxxxxxxxaaamminatioooonnnss* are just around the corner. I'm studying post-graduate LLB. Now, while others may frolick in the pastures of statute, precedent etc. I am fucked. Like proper fucked. Like this degree is bending me over and preparing to take me roughly. And not in a sexy way. Oh god. So so fucked. Going to fail. Going to be a dissapointment. Going to have L all over my forehead. shitshitballscatastrophe. *weeps & flails*

must have control. must not be fat. must go get naked and weigh self right now.

euw - just over 65 - euw REPULSIVE DISGUSTING FAILURE

Right. must stop feeling sorry for myself. tomorrow i am recording my intake here. because being fat depresses me, and if i'm depressed i'm going to spend all the time I should be studying; crying. and that is just. no. damn. good.

*oh. and it's confirmed. she - friend- has/had a crush on him *him*. which means i was right. which means he is off limits. goddamn him. thinking about either of them just pisses me off.*

Pocahontas
*what a babe*

I'm not a fan of reverse thinspo, but, regardless...

Beth Ditto, one hell of a voice, one hell of a body.
Sometimes I feel like my grotesque body,
probably enunciated by my disproportionately
derisive self-image, is LOUD. l-o-u-d loud.
Like I walk into a room and I feel like she looks;
... like a porpus in a neon tutu.

I feel like my appearance is literally a burden on bystanders.
Like the very sight of me is likely to singe your corneas irreparably.
I feel uneasy, out of place, no matter where I am;
'How dare I actually force these people to look at me.'
'What kind of crazy person am I; to actually think that the sight of me
belongs out in the real world.'

I feel so large, so obnoxiously, rudely, excessively fat.
Sometimes I think I'll look in the mirror and see giant blob of lard,
wearing a disco ball,
staring back.