horrible horrible

i just had a terrible binge-purge session
ate a pie (cornish pastie... i don't even eat meat) *purge*
half a bag of cheese curls *purge* (... i even drank 500ml of water while eating to help me purge)
death by chocalate magnum (so soothing on my purge-throat)
another pie *purge*

i am so sore: my eyes, my chest, my throat, my diaphragm

i need ana back

liquid fast tomorrow

i think it's the stress

this is terrble, i feel horrible horrible so horrible

have to liquid fast tomorrow. i will. i must. i am going to. food is no longer my friend. it is the enemy. only liquids. oh god. what is happening to me. i need ana. not mia. i am not a mia. i never set out to be. but i've purged everyday for a while now. and now this. horrific amounts of eating, and purging, and purging, i hurt. please ana. i need you. i need control. not this. please

I love you Mary-Kate. I love you Ana. Please, don' leave me.