good girl

Should it still bother me
when my parents fight?
You would think it wouldn't get to me anymore.
I'm a grown-up now.
But still;
I don't like it.
It makes me feel panicked and angry.
I remember when I was afraid to leave the house,
to move,
to make a noise,
for fear that my father would hurt my mother.
I become the quietest mouse:
Trying not to upset the delicate balance
of nothing and nothing
trying to prevent something bad
although I wasn't sure what that thing could or would be
but I was terrified
for years and years and years.
All it takes is one time.
One time ruins everything.
-
Today:
apple with cinnamon
2 x black coffee
1/2 cup oats with soy milk
8 fizzers (400 cal)
1/4 cup strawberry yoghurt (?)
peppermint cake, too much (?)
pizza, shitloads (?)
muesli and strawberry yoghurt, too much (?)
purge.
-
Bad diet day.