I would be lying if...

Three relationships.
Eight sexual partners.
Five women and three men.
But I've never been in love.
I've wished they loved me.
Or I've wished that I loved them.
Or I've felt nothing.
But I've never been in love.
I know I am loved.
I know I am, I have been and I will be liked.
Like is fairly easy
It comes in so many degrees
Not like love
Which seems so finite
But I've never been in love.

I would be lying if I said I didn't phone her just to hear her talk about him. That he was there. I wish I could have seen him. Without having to be there. Or interact. Or anything. I just wanted to see him... and hear his laugh. He has the best laugh. I'm so sad. Aren't I? Sad and hopeless and obsessed with Lana del Rey's 'National Anthem'. But what can you do on any account? Other than know that it will eventually pass. Sooner rather than later, and then it will all seem silly and meaningless. Eventually I will stop thinking about you. Even though you don't know I think about you - anyways - you might be relieved to hear that. Then you can stop feeling guilty for all those things you didn't do wrong, all that dumbass shit you said that wasn't hurtful, and everything else you don't know, and wouldn't care to know, that I hold against you. Stupid boy. Stupid TBB. It shouldn't have been so easy for you not to want me. But I can't expect you to care because if I did the fact that you don't would only hurt me more.

I love the lyrics to LDR's 'Video Games'. Hells. I should just start sending the woman snippets of my hair in the post and a pillow with a print of my fasshhhe on it. Hah.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

Everything I do

I tell you all the time

Heaven is a place on earth with you

Tell me all the things you wanna do

I heard that you like the bad girls 

Honey, is that true?

It's better than I ever even knew

They say that the world was built for two

Only worth living if somebody is loving you

Baby now you do.

I ate today: A whooooolllleeee grapefruit, some veryveryvery black coffee, a chunk cucumber, one and half tomatoes, a tin of butter beans with some feta and soy sauce. I made some oats. With water, and vanilla, and honey. They taste like shit; too nothing-but-it's-still-a-sickly-sweet-nothing. So said oats are stilling sitting beneath the microwave. I should leave it there for the day. Although maybe I'll have some cocoa later. Who can say really? Who can say.

Good luck to you all. Where-ever you are and whatever you are doing... but particularly if you are trying and failing to forget about some attractive asshole that you should never have even let look at you funny! Big-ups to you boys and girls. Go facebook-stalk someone from your highschool who got fat. The warmth of smugness shall tide you over! xxx