post more, eat less

DISCLAIMER 1
If I were to put up all my MKA thinspo
y'all would be here for forty years
love MK love just love
<3
can't! even! fully! describe! gah.
-
DISCLAIMER 2
I realise that I am posting beyond excessively at the moment
I really need it though
My posts may be short or silly or sarcastic
but they really help me:
Sometimes you don't know what you think until you write it down.
But I apologise if it's irritating you at all!

Ate (post b/p): lots of chocolate, soy cocoa, two oranges, a fizzer and a piece of cheese so small a mouse couldn't see it. Lame; but do not weigh yourself tomorrow(!) and eat under 700 cal. FFS. God. If I lived alone I would not have these problems! I would never buy chocolate!!! Sigh.

Okay. Dealing with sugar cravings; my lust for simple carbohydrates must be tamed. I googled for help and all I can find is advice for normal people ala 'give in a little' or 'choose better carbs'. When has a bulimic ever given in 'a little'... *rolls on floor laughing hysterically*. The notion; better... carbs! HAH! Oxymoron.

Things that have worked for me:
1. Skip breakfast. Just have black coffee and water. I never used to be hungry in the morning. Now I am. Very. I often reallllllly want a grapefruit or an orange. I think this is mostly because they are actually very 'juicy' and I am dehydrated buuuuuuut what I feel is a massive desire for sweetness. I also tend to tell myself that a fruit is 'okay' because I've just started my day on 0 calories (so I tend to be overly optimistic and then screw myself for the rest of the day) and fruit is a 'healthy option'. However, if I have that stupid citrus my hunger is invigorated rather than squashed! Nooooooo.
2. Make sure you have enough black coffee, water, gum and cigarettes in general. Obviously. These things satiate all my needs in lieu of actual sustenance. But, importantly, I have huge trouble discerning a 'need'. So I'll think sugarsugarsugar when actually I am dehydrated/nicotine-deprived/or need some anxiety relief ala chewing. (Do not binge/purge! I know you want to. But you must not.)
3.'Break' the cravings by avoiding all sweets, sugar etc for at least 2 days. Try to eliminate gum and any artificial sweeteners as well. You may ask; she eats sweets? WTF?! I know. But a fizzer is only 50cal. Only 50 cal? OMG. Who am I?!
4. When in doubt: have an apple. They're sweet but boring, filling and low-cal. So boring. Why, Eve, whyyyyyyyy? Why you no reach for chocolate milkshake of knowledge!?!!
5. In the alternative: Do not eat chocolate ever. If you thought you were over sugar cravings this mix of fat, caffeine and sugar will surprise you with it's evil ability to stir up that problem all over again. Every time. Instantaneously. We know no such thing as moderation. Puh-lease.

To conclude I'm going to shamelessly paraphrase something I just read: It's fucked up. As babies we are sustained by milk sugar. As we grow up parents pacify and reward us with sweets and chocolates. Throughout the taste of sugar becomes intertwined with memories of celebration, love and comfort. As adults: "I'll just have this 50 cal fizzer, huuuuuuhhhhh?" No. Idiot. What you've essentially just said is; "Let me feed my life-long dependency on a mood-altering, addictive and harmful substance." Sugar. Is. Crack.