doing maintainence

right. so i've maintained. schmeh. which means i obviously haven't been doing anything wrong, neither have i been doing anything right. i am in limbo. in purgatory aka purge territory; which i just did, having to strip off about  a bazillion layers of winter wear (at least moderate relative skinnyness means i can wear leggings under my jeans, which makes them fit properly, i hate baggy jeans sliding down my less-than-toned derriere) so that i could weigh-in and prevent freaking out/escalating beat-self-upness. So, having evacuated my insubstantial lunch from my body, it is onward and upward with my god forsaken assignment (administrative law, blegh). I will be good, very very good, i will not eat again today *glowers at self*. But i have beaten my most recent plateau, thank god, even though my father had to announce it to the whole family (why oh why are we such a thin-obsessed family!?). why did i tell him? pride overcame common sense... which comes before a? we all know what. but of course this means that, now that he knows (now that they all know, thanx pop) if i ever go over that weight *mustn'tmustn'tmustn't* i will just die on the inside. I am within 10kg's of my UGW. madness. which means i've lost about 4.5 pounds since i last put my weight on here. i have no idea how people living in pounds manage. it's only great in terms of 'wow, i've lost 4.5', horrible in terms of 'i need to loose 20 more' *yes. 20lb. 9kgs*. Good God but that is a lot *will not get sad, will get motivated*
uuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh fuck you admin law to the power of 10 i will beat you with a big academic stick *sigh*

ooh hoo, father has just returned from shops... forgot to get me matzos : (  (only 18cal a whole biscuit wafer thingy!)... but he did get me; turkish delight chocolate *i hate you* to 'lessen the blow' oh. ha. ha. *weeps* *i will not eat you, you pile of delightful sugary death satan*

So frikkin beautiful. must. have. those. ribs.

Why are you so beautiful miss whoever-you-are?
Not in a creepy way, but is it okay if i have your body?
I only won't to rip you out of it and wear it around town.
No. Ok. Guess I just need to stick with starving then.
*sigh*