Ai ai ai frikkin family meals!

Yip. So the food terror of the Easter weekend continues. The famdamnily (brother + wife + 1 year old son, brother + 2 year old son, mother, father, self) are gathering to eat and tacitly citicise each other. *oh.lol.*

So, eaten today so far:
2 x cups of coffee (40 cals)
1 x gum (4 cal)

What's on the menu:
hake, kinda steamed in foil in the oven, with celery, coriander, white wine, salt and pepper
halved baby potatoes, roasted with olive oil
a mixed salad that my father has promised will be loaded with avocado and include 2 boiled eggs *i prefer a salad made of a bowl of lettuce*
pudding: apple crumble with cream *nnngggnnn* (gonna try drink coke zero and avoid this bitch)

ugh, my sister in law should be my ultimate thinspo (reverse thinspo that is!) she is a size 24 (no, not little 24, the big 24, at my absolute biggest i was a size 16 *disfuckin'gusting*, now i'm a 12 *and losing*). i literally shudder. fat, loud and lazy. *uuuuuuggggghhhhh*

and, since I just found out that the crush of the moment is moving to another city i thought i would pine suitably and lay down some vaguely depressing smooch-themed thinspo ; )

The other night I was at a bar with a friend of mine.
I should have felt really shit cos we didn't intend to go out
and i had like no make-up on.
But, cos I had no suitable clothes on or at her place I borrowed
a shirt of hers and a pair of jeans.
they fit.
they fit fine, they even, i thought, looked good
and she's not a fatty, ya'know not ED material (looks wise) but
not huge by any means. she's normal (perfectly).
and i'm never the girl who would ever even dare to try on
normal girl clothes
... and then this guy blatantly (he told us) hit on me
and it felt great
but then i went home, and thought about it
so he wasn't a fatty, but he was drunk, and unattractiv, not ugly
(per say) just gross in nature, and not particularly bright
(or even a sentient being)
and then i thought, well, that's the calibre of man i'm worth!
: (
fat.fat.fat.worthless.fat

The other night I got horrendously drunk at a friend's place.
I gave this boy a lascivious kiss good-bye.
I was digging his crazy-broad, lopsided smile.
The only reason he was even there was because he has a crush on
the hostess.
They hooked up. After I left.
How embarrassing.
fat.fat.fat.worthless.fat

I feel like it's a universal truth that, when you're chunky
(chunky like cottage cheese)
people will think one of two things about your relationship:
(1) you both settled
or worse (2) he/she settled for you
... and - the sad thing - they're right.
because no matter how awesome your personality is
no one, but no one, wants to date a fatty

 I have this awesome tutor at uni.
He used to be fat. Now he is smokin'.
Great mind. great style. great body.
I dig him. He has a girlfriend.
I was talking to my friends, saying; wow.
He's so amaze. I bet his chick is amaze.
My friend's response:
'No dude, former fatties always date mingers.'
wow. so when i'm scrawny like a screw-driver i'll still be a 'former fatty'. great.

When people see us kiss I want them to think of a moment in a beautiful
movie, not of infomercials.

I want whoever I'm with to be really, really, really proud to be with me.

*wow. i feeling fucking sad now. the remedy: less with the food. more with the starve. *