Bitch please: I be crazy right now

Still cannot get a fuckin' thing right: my 'control' lasted all of - oh - about 40 minutes. My brother came round and next thing I knew I had my face in a bowl of tuna-tomato-onion-mayonnaise on Provita. Mayonnaise. WHO THE FUCK EATS MAYONNAISE?!?!? Have you lost your Godforsaken mind? What is wrong with you? So what - your best friend ups and dies - and you think getting fat will; what Whatwhatwhatfuckingwhat? Huh? Huh! HUH?! You absolutely raging nutcase. You eat mayonnnnnaaaaiiiseeeee, an entire caaaaaaaan of tuna, a millllliiion Provitas (3 is the goddamn equivalent of a slice of bread!!!). Oh but wait - yes folks - there's more: more provita, huge slices of slab'oh'lard cheddar cheese, honey, fruit yoghurt mixed with a plum and sugary-dense-crud-ballsack muesli!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the love of Christ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

*excuse me while I go refill that 2 litre Coke Zero bottle with water and down that bitch*

Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkk. 

Yeah. And you know what you way now right? Do yah?

62 kilograms - fatfuckage - that's 137 pounds and a BMI of 24.5

You disgust me. Yes. I disgust myself. 

SO STOP BITCHING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Do you think Miranda Kerr has this kind of attitude? Fuck. Just so much swearing and loathing and desperation and embarrassment and just: Horror. Sheer horror.

You know who I want to look like. Gaga. That's who. Skinny Gaga. Man; she is the bomb. Love love love. I WANT TO BE A LITTLE MONSTER. A TEENY TINY EMACIATED SEXY AS ALL HELL MONSTER. *shit* I am such a wreck right now.

You know what.
I'm not fasting tomorrow.
I'm just gonna RESTRICT like a mofo.

And I'm gonna stay on campus - working - until the library closes.
5pm?

I have to eat as little as possible.
?
What the hell does that even mean.

Maybe:
1/8 cup plain oats for breakfast.
Black coffee.
Salad for lunch.
Salad with minimal soy protein for dinner.

No carbs. No fruit (or sugar of any kind). No dairy. No snacking.

Please Lord let me get it right!
I want to be the little girl-monster with the boots and the big hair
and the kick-you-in-the-nads-boots and the big man that makes me look like a frikkin pixie. 

Skinny Gaga
=
Perfection
(shit my jaw is so busted from purging)
*balls*
FIX THIS.
NOW.