Maybe I is. Maybe I ain't. But if I is, I's sure a good at it ;).
What's prompting this ramble; I just watched an interesting vid posted by a girl to her tumblr. She is very anti pro-ana. She hates us. She thinks we're fucktards. *I'm sure she has a bit of a point, but doesn't everyone* However miss thang does acknowledge that fucktards - like myself - who get involved in this community may, potentially, trigger a lurking disorder. We might end up being legit in her eyes. lol.
Anyhow; do I have an eating disorder?
I don't know. I believe I definitely had, past tense, something that feels like, and also objectively *ya'know using my brain and all* seems to have been huge issues with food: bingingbingingbingingbinging. I'm pretty sure that thing. Those years and years and years of fucking torment that I remember; I think that was disordered to the point of being a disorder. And the crazy thing; I only see it now, in all it's repulsive clarity, now that I'm within a normal weight range (no longer obese, if one trusts good old BMI). And I've taken it round the other way; I love calorie counting. restricting. i don't like purging but i thank god for it. and then i don't. and then i do. So in a way; I'm better now. In another; I may have triggered my EDNOS type thing into rearing a skinnier, but more problematic, spectre.
Do I have an eating disorder? Did I? I really cannot, and refuse to, say. It seems pretty fashionable - in this space - to deny having anorexia/bulimia/something classifiable (even EDNOS). I fully respect that.What those girls say; it makes total sense to me. However, to re-approach the vlogger, I think it is overly simplistic, if not naive, to portray disorders as some kind of externally realised totem to which victims are ascribed and which wannabes attempt to climb. We all know that, in crazy-people-science, diagnosis itself is a hugely controversial issue. Some would even say it is a huge part of the problem. I'm not all that concerned with working out what I am. I am concerned with being thin. That is why I'm here. That is all there is to it.
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| Love this lil creature. She is so creepy. And so delightfully small. Yes, yes, she's a child, whatever. TODAY'S INTAKE. 2 pieces of watermelon-flavoured gum. 10 cals. niiiiiiiiiiiiiccccceeeee |
I'm not pro-ana in any way, but I think if people are, they obviously have some form of an eating disorder or disordered eating. I mean, they have to start somewhere right? Besides, I read somewhere that around 70-80% of eating disorders actually fall under the EDNOS range rather than Anorexia or Bulimia.
ReplyDeletePlus, I think everyone seems to think of pro-ana differently. Some think it is a lifestyle, some think it's promoting a deadly illness, some think it's easier to just call it that because they've been disordered for so long...
The people who just want a quick fix to lose weight for prom or actually want an ED or some rubbish obviously aren't suffering like an eating disordered person and it is insulting to have people like that on the internet and things, but what can anyone do about it?
This turned into something different to what I was going to write lol. Anyway, take care. xx