boomchickaboomwow

She sure is pretty.
Yes. I'm aware that there are a whole bunch of people on the net
who mock Felice endlessly.
You know...?
She seems like a pretty savvy lady to me.
She got skinny.
Capitalised on her naturally gorgeous self.
[Why not.]
She seems articulate.
And ain't a bitch.
So why waste time hating.
Thinspo schimnspo people.
I'll speak for myself.
I'm here by choice.
I choose to use her images as motivation to get really painfully thin.
She's hot.
Leave her alone!

So today's the 30th of June 2012. I'm kind-of tired of being kind to myself. Being kind to myself makes me look and feel like a Care Bear. Creepy and chubby. I tend to let myself become a bit furry in this state too. I'm tired of thinking about that child [aka sex object]; a disturbing juxtaposition of terms. 

Today. It's been 5 months and 5 days since she died. It's time to sort my shit out. The 30th of June. The last binge, last purge, the start of restricting. I weigh 62 kilograms. This seems like I've maintained. Trust me I haven't. I yo-yo-yo-yo-yo like mad. It's a fight to maintain this marginal gain. The crazy thing is that even if I loose a measly 3 kgs a month I can reach my goal weight by Nov 1. Sure, I suppose it must be harder now that I'm 'smaller'. Whatevs. I'm still painfully normal for my height. Today is Saturday. I have drinking and dinner plans tonight. But I'm gonna weigh in on Friday. And hope for the best. Restrictionrestrictionrestriction. Smoking. Water. Christ. [Jokes.]